The Right Thing?

For the past 2 years i have lived very contently in my 2 bd/1 bth apt. in a very quaint area. For the past year and a half i have lived with the same roomate. We were introduced to one another and she moved in. Our personalities meshed well. We became friends and not just roomates. We have definitely seen eachother through some rough times. More problems have arose recently as her mother recently passed, thus, changing my roomates whole mentality and existance. For me, my world was turned upside down, for the better, around the same time her mother died. I met JM and he became a permanent person in my life. After a lot of thought, worry, contemplating, i decided, finally, yesterday...that it was time for me to be on my own. Live alone. Just me. I am almost 28 (ahhhh!) and way too old to be still living with a roomate. I have paid my dues...mostly by growing up with 2 sisters and then living in a sorority house full of 100 girls for 2 years. I am over living with girls to say the least.

Yesterday, my roomate asked we have a "talk." This was my perfect opportunity to tell her the decision i had made. It wasn't going to be easy for me to explain being that i am a total peacemaker and hate conflict. I first was going to let her speak and curious to hear what was on her mind.

We sit down to talk. She has been offered an opportunity to move into a house nearby with some people for cheaper. She knows this is something she needs to take advantage of as she believes James and i would soon move in together. I am relieved. She explains that she wants our friendship back and she wants to leave on good terms, etc. etc. The tables were turned and i instantly felt closer to her. As if she had done no wrong, never pushed me to the point of wanting to live alone. It was a rather good feeling. I then explained to her that i also had plans to move out. It was time for me to live alone etc. We ended the conversation very friendly as we spoke to our landlord about moving and deposits.

Immediately i kicked into high gear to go look at two places i was interested in. They are both a huge jump in rent. Both tiny. I would have to sell 50% of what i own-furniture etc. The thought of moving nearly gives me a sick feeling inside. I love this community, i love my neighbors, i love the location and the convenience. It is my home and i don't want to move is the bottom line. If i moved into a one bdrm in the complex it would cost me waaaaaaaay too much. I couldn't do it. Bottom line is this: it is effing too expensive to live in Southern California. Ok, ok, i love it here though and its worth it to me. So what i am contemplating is this: James and i cohabitate.

The subject has been tossed around in the last month over and over. We both agree that the right thing to do is live seperately. We have in fact only been dating 6 months. You know when you know and i know. I know i want to marry this man. So why wait? Well b/c i am a rational, realistic human being. Every big decision is completely thought out on my part. He is back and forth with the issue. He wants to but he doesn't b/c "its wrong." He basically lives with me anyway. That is normally how it is...he spends all his time over at my place. He hates his place and i refuse to go hang out with 5 male roomates with the smell of stinky socks and Romeo is not welcome. So you get the picture here? Its unreasonable to not live together. It is financially smart on both of our parts.

I just don't know what to do.