September 11th

all day it is everywhere you look. on every website. on every tv program. you can't forget it. and for that matter you can't forget where you were when it happened. how you felt. what you thought. all those people. lives lost. it was awful. i remember like it was yesterday.

i left nyc in august of 2001 after spending the summer there interning. that place is so close to my heart. i fell in love with it. i was just there. i was in college. my 5th year. i was living with allison. david was in town and had spent the night. i had eaten my morning cereal and was almost on my way out the door for class when david turned on the tv. we sat there and watched the horror of the aftermath of the first plane. and then the second. and i couldn't remove myself from the couch. i think that whole day. i just sat there and watched news after news after news. and it was body counts rising. and the news became addicting. i remember talking to allison about it and we were so horrified about it and the devastation but at the same time we couldn't stop watching it and exposing overselves to it.

in february of 2002, 5 months after 9/11, my grandfather flew us to nyc for valentines day. the difference was astounding. the mood and auora around you just was not the same. we visited ground zero. read all the posters, notes that hung all over the streets. i would have rather not put myself in the position of witnessing first hand that despair. it was great to be back in the city. the energy was still there. i had missed it.

james and i watched on 60 minutes last night a program about the firemen that survived 9/11. so many of them have serious lung problems and some have even died recently b/c of all the crap that they inhaled. and it never left. i just can't imagine. not even an instant death but a slow death from an attack on our country. what a bunch of mother fuckers. i have such hatred towards those people. how can you not? i understand they are all not under osama bin ladens spell and don't follow them...the ones that live here...but i can't help but give them a glare.

today i am going to take a moment to pray...for those lives lost...the hurt of the families and the courage of the survivors and fighters. this day shall live in my heart forever.