Nana News

Last weekend i flew to Oklahoma to visit my nana. A few weeks ago my sister had told me that she didn't think nana would live til October, my next planned visit. I had been drinking some wine. I started to cry and cry harder and James was so quick to comfort me. He convinced me that buying a ticket immediately was absolutely essential. So that i did. When in fact i do believe she will live another year. I just have a feeling. I took off 2 days of work and sacrificed my little world to travel home. I am really glad i did it although nothing about it was easy. It was probably the toughest thing emotionally i have had to do in a year or so...visiting my ill grandmother in a nursing home. I don't think i have been in one of those things since i was really young. So i don't remember much about them. I had prepared myself before i walked in, as had my dad. "Now your grandmother is incontinent." It was enough to put me to the edge of tears to have to help transfer her from her bed to her wheelchair but holding her diapers...that was a little much. I remember the last time i saw my nana. She was definitely not the vivacious hopping women she once was but she was walking, talking, eating. Normal activities were not hard for her. After her stroke it is like a different person. And not only because she can't do the things she once could but b/c her demeanor has done a 180. From a strict baptist, conservative background, i never heard her say a curse word much less anything bad about anyone. So to hear her actually voice her opinion and express herself was actually pretty entertaining to me. I got in the car with my dad after my first visit on Friday night and told him that i almost enjoy being around her more. Some of the thing she said to me i must note. I will want this later in life. I was leaving to go to my ex boyfriends and his new wifes home for dinner. Before i left...this is what came out of her mouth..."be careful darling. you know you might get shot. you never know what that new wife might think about you." I about died. Just for the plain ridiculousness of that statement. I was telling her goodbye once and for all at the nursing home. On my way to the airport. I had told her earlier in the weekend about the new no liquid/gel travel law. She says to me, "you pour that beer out before you get on that plane. you might go to jail." With that comment i couldn't help but laugh. It makes me wonder if she always had these conversations in her head and never voiced them before. It was really a wake up call to me...that i need to give her more time...on the phone...and enjoy her time here b/c she won't be alive much longer. There are things i don't want to forget about her and this past weekend. How bad she wants to go home and be in her own bed. What kind of inspiration i was for her to hold on to me and walk a few steps. I don't want to ever forget my grandmothers heart, love, exceptance for everyone. This visit truly made me realize what a precious woman she is.